November challenges

Well, I wanted to start the month of November with a thankfullness reminder.  Every day, I'll try to atleast post something that I'm thankful for.  Today it's my faith, my God and his love.  With out him, I wouldn't be here today.  

November is a new month, and new challenges await me.  I'm changing up my diet, and going from low carb to restricted calorie.  I haven't lost anything in months (other than when I'm on HCG) so I feel like it's time to try something new.  I'm logging everything in My Fitness Pal (Username Sparkles1982).  I'm going to continue my work out schedule too.  

I am going to try a 26 day ab challenge.  It'll end a couple of days before Thanksgiving.  If you'd like to do it with me, Here it is:  

November is going to be different for me.  I hope that I can do it.  

my heart...

My heart hurts.  I have days where I'm doing so well.  Then I have days where I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I am so jealous of others, that can, seemingly, get pregnant with out any strife.  Even accidentally.  And sometimes, they don't even want the blessing that some of us haven't gotten.

I feel like I can do anything, but this is the one thing I can't Will myself into.  I got the job I always wanted.  I've finally lost almost all the weight I wanted to lose.  I quit smoking, I'm working out, even when I don't want to.  But there's no will power to eat the right food, or push beyond my limits or cut out something.  All I can do is wait.

Wait for my body to do it's thing, or not do it's thing.  It hurts me that I can't do something (besides the obvious) for the one thing that I want more than anything.

Today's a rough day.

I'm glad I have this blog.  It's an outlet, a small one, but an outlet all the same.  Some days, I fill like I should just work, constantly.  Because when I do, I don't have time to think about the things that get me down.  The problem about that is the minute I have down time, EVERYTHING hits me again.  Then I spend the next hour to few hours crying...  Time to get ready for work.  Time to dry my tears and take a shower.

Back at it

Now that I've reminisced over my vacation, it's time to get back to work.

I went back to low carb yesterday.  Donna, Daisy, Teddy, Elvis and I all went for a 4.5 mile walk and then we did this "sexy leg" work out.

Oh dear God.  That work out is NO joke!  And 15 minutes, yea no.  That's a lie.  I thought the jumpin' jacks would be my downfall.  I got them, but it took a while.  It's hard for me to not land on my toes, and to land flat footed.  I thought the leg raises would be a cool down.  HOLY CRAP!  Those aren't no joke.  I cried, it hurt so bad.  I practically limped all night.  I felt it in my sleep and all morning.  I can feel the squats and lunges too.  I kinda like the burn though.  

I've been putting off my cardio for 2 hours or more.  I guess it's about that time.  I've gotta drop my vacation weight, and then some...

Oh, and for those of you that wonder about the doctor's visit and the tests. I got everything back last week.  My cholesterol, blood pressure and other health stuff was GREAT.  Infact, I think it's the best I've ever seen my levels.  She did find out that my thyroid is messed up, so I'm on a med for that.  She also found out that one of my hormones are out of whack.  It's 3 times the normal limit.  So I'm on a med for that.  I'll retest for that in 2 months.  

I've put off my walk, long enough.  Time to get a move on!

Vacation days

So I'm back from vacation.  As much as I love the trips I take, and the time away from craziness, I'm glad to be back.  We've had so much running around in the last few months, I feel exhausted.  In June, there were dress fittings in TN.  In August, there was a bridal shower, and then a Las Vegas bachelorette party.  In September, there was a birthday, a wedding and a trip to Gatlinburg.  October was a baby shower, a trip to Orlando and a last night a concert with Michael Buble.

Each trip, I went off diet and my work out routine.  Each diet I've gained and then taken a few days to a couple of weeks to get the weight back off.  It's exhausting.  Our next trip isn't until December.  Truthfully, I'm really looking forward not going anywhere for a little bit.  In December, we'll be going back to Orlando for Christmas with my parents.  In addition to Christmas with the folks, we're going to Disney for the holiday festivities.  We have annual passes so I'm VERY excited about that.  We've never gotten to do Disney properly for the holidays.  :)

We had a wonderful trip this time though, and I wanted to share a few pictures.

My newest Nephew, Brendan

Me and the hubs at Antartica - Empire of the Penguin

Epcot for the International Food and Wine Festival

Steak and Shake with the family - I'm wearing my husband's T-shirt!

My "little" brother, John - Hard to believe he's a senior this year

Me and the hubs and Zachary, Zoe, Noah and Brendan

Parents and the hubs

Us looking all cute before Michael Buble

OMG!!!!

Amazing seats

Dream come true!

<3

Back at it? Kinda?

Well, yesterday was a baby shower for a dear friend of mine.  I ate a billion things I shouldn't have.  I knew i'd pay the price for it today.  I even had pizza last night!  Yesterday, I told my husband that I'd do an apple day today.  (It's a correction day for someone following the HCG protocol.  They eat nothing but apples all day long.  And drink water.  Well, I modify it a bit, and drink coffee because well, I don't want to kill people.  :)  I also got up this morning, did an arm day, shoulders, back and some abs.  Then I got home, and went for a 2 mile walk with the girls.  My little personal trainers LOVE their walks.  I love going with them.  Even with out any friends to talk to, and pass the time, they make it easier.

Tomorrow is my follow up appointment with my ob.  They are going to to go over my results of the hormone testing they did last week.  I'm both nervous and excited.  If you're reading this, say a prayer for me.

We are also leaving for Orlando tomorrow.  So I have a 9 am appointment and have to be at the airport by around 1pm.  I'd like to get in another work out and I still have to figure out how to get this house cleaned, get packed, and get everything else done.  Oh, and I have to go to work today.  LOL.

no time for sleep!

Some days..

So I never made it to the gym yesterday.  Bad me.  Oh well.  I did end up spending some time with a dear friend, and I've missed her.  So it was worth it to me to miss it.

This morning I did some testing when I got up.  Had to do it before I ate anything.  I dressed in my gym clothes and finally made it back to the gym.  I wasn't really excited about it, but I went.  Did arms, shoulders, abs and 15 minutes of cardio.  It was supposed to be 30, but after 15, I gave up.  It's been a LONG stressful week or two, and I was spent.  I guess that's better than nothing.

Is it too early in the day for a drink?  Been a rough week, and I told my friend that I wanted chocolate, wine and cigarettes yesterday.  She laughed at me.  I told her I had 2 of the three in my kitchen.  She said I could have little pieces of chocolate, and to skip the ciggs.  Told her it's 3 bags of fun size candy bars and 2 bags of Lindor truffles.  They're all little pieces!  =D

Just gotta get thru the next few days, and then I'll be on my way to Orlando for a quick little trip.  I'll get to see family, friends, and Mickey Mouse.  Who can be sad, at the happiest place on earth?  :)

Strep! UGH!!!

So last Wednesday, I was diagnosed with a nasty case of Strep!  NOOOOO!  I dragged my antibiotic laden self to the couch, and stayed there a couple of days.  I started feeling a bit better, then allergy season hit.  God help me, I'm never going to feel ok again!  I'm on claritin, 875 mg of amoxil (2 times a day) and advil allergy as I need it.  Elvis and I took a 4 mile walk on Saturday, and it was SO nice.

I worked a double on Sunday and then rested yesterday.  I'm off Wed and Thur.  SO this morning, I've cleaned my kitchen spic and span.  =D  After I finish this blog post, it'll be time to do the same thing to the living room and dining room.  We're going to Orlando next week, and I don't like my house being messy before a trip.  I'll be visiting the gym at some point after my cleaning.  I'm doing Arms, Chest, Abs and then some cardio.  I'll do the cardio with the puppies.  I enjoy our walks.  They are my favorite.  I love seeing the big houses close to ours, the decorations they put out and the famlies around there.  It makes me so wisful.

Speaking of being wistful... wishful even, I need your prayers.  We really want a family.  I'm so sick of seeing everyone else with one and feeling like less than an entire woman because I've been unable to do that.  I've last over 250 lbs, and it's still not happening.  I feel broken.  And what's worse?  My family is far away.  My friends, well, they live in Dallas, Florida, Tennessee and other places not here... I have a few in Houston, but they aren't really concerned with me.  They all have their own lives.  And I guess I understand, but I can't help feeling lonely.  We're starting to go thru the motions with the doctors tomorrow.  I'm scared and I feel alone.  All I have is my husband, so I'm leaning on him, more than I probably should.  His family loves me and they are good to me, but it's hard because they don't speak english.

I'll be ok.  And this episode of Army Wives is over... so it's time to get back to cleaning!  :)