My heart hurts. I have days where I'm doing so well. Then I have days where I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I am so jealous of others, that can, seemingly, get pregnant with out any strife. Even accidentally. And sometimes, they don't even want the blessing that some of us haven't gotten.
I feel like I can do anything, but this is the one thing I can't Will myself into. I got the job I always wanted. I've finally lost almost all the weight I wanted to lose. I quit smoking, I'm working out, even when I don't want to. But there's no will power to eat the right food, or push beyond my limits or cut out something. All I can do is wait.
Wait for my body to do it's thing, or not do it's thing. It hurts me that I can't do something (besides the obvious) for the one thing that I want more than anything.
Today's a rough day.
I'm glad I have this blog. It's an outlet, a small one, but an outlet all the same. Some days, I fill like I should just work, constantly. Because when I do, I don't have time to think about the things that get me down. The problem about that is the minute I have down time, EVERYTHING hits me again. Then I spend the next hour to few hours crying... Time to get ready for work. Time to dry my tears and take a shower.
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